something that i've been contemplating off and on in the past few weeks is the status update part of facebook. first and foremost, i personally have only updated probably three times since my relationship with FB began. but as a writer of the update, whomever that may be, i've been trying to figure out what causes people to write what they write. do we all have this secret need or want to tell the world around us what we're up to or thinking or feeling or being excited about? do we do it for the comments shot back at us? and the updates have provided us with the tool for just that? as with anyone on facebook, the variety of posts is long and wide. people seem to like especially commenting on where one is traveling to (this seems especially true to those who rarely post... since it's something relatively new or exciting to communicate to people.... or how one is feeling... from being tired, to excited, to missing someone, to happy, to stressed out. this is the fairly common post. i know several people that post about working out or training for a marathon or triathalon... and that's all they post about. (is this for encouragement? or desiring validation comments? or just plain old accountability?) one or two of my """"friends"""" post only about their babies, or kids... even to the extent of naps taken, for how long, what's in the diaper, or new foods eaten. (don't get me started on how i feel about those posts!) in short, there's a million different kinds of posts, and i'm sure a million different reasons for them. but here's what i've been thinking about. what if someone posted a little more vulnerably? those things we all feel, but so rarely talk about... what if someone posted that "jane is: feeling really particularly fat today." or "is feeling like a failure". or "doesn't know how to muster the strength to walk thru this particular season?"... i know why no one writes those updates. i certainly wouldn't. but my challenge is (particularly to myself) to be more honest with those around me with what's really going on. yesterday i was at the restaurant i work in, and someone i work with but don't know very well... asked very casually if everything was ok, because i didn't seem like my normal self. for an instantaneous moment, i envisioned looking at him and saying "you know what? i'm walking thru an incredibly difficult time right now so no... as a matter of fact, i'm really not feeling very ok, and work is just about the last place i feel like being right now, so no, everything is NOT alright." and stomping off. in that flash and with that vision, i felt equal parts relief for not saying "i'm fine", and secret delight at the look i knew a response like that would cause to fall upon his face, the shock of what his inquiry would have produced. but i balked. i responded by saying that i was feeling tired, and just not too enthused to be working. i'm not regretting my particular response per se... i'm just curious about the effect of trying to be a little more honest, or vulnerable or open would be. once one could come to terms with the gaping wounds that might be letting some light in... i can only imagine the freedom that would come with just being able to say... "i feel really lonely right now." or "i feel terrified about this decision i'm facing" or "i am recognizing patterns in my life, that i'm having a terribly difficult time coming to terms with...". ouch, right? fear, pride, loss, exhaustion, terror... these aren't foreign, and we are comfortable enough with them within our own skin. but to speak it out. to tell someone. to say "I am THIS..." and "I am feeling THIS way..." and "I desperately want THIS"... that's bravery. that's what i want.